Right now, my house will not get any cleaner than it is right at this very moment.
Unless I were to sell. And if that's the case, I give you permission to shoot me. Please deal a fatal blow.
See, we're having the house appraised for a little refi action. And I figure, since the house is clean 'n all, this might be a good time for a tour.
Because we all know the house is gonna go downhill from here. (like an anvil off a sheer cliff, downhill.)
Now, if you've seen the insides of my house before, you may be thinking, "Woopity doo!" ("Cindy and Scott are newlyweds! Woopity doo!")
Well, I'm gonna show you anyway. Again. Thanks for your understanding.
Please regard that top pictures are move-in shots, and the second would be it's present state. I am too lazy to mark each photo as such. Thank you so much.
Let's start at my fave spot. Yes, the dining room, turned music room.
Because can you imagine my punks eating in this room on that carpet? My eye is twitching just thinking about it.
I have big plans for ceiling molding in this room. One day when I get off my lazy A.
My living room's boring. Let's move on.
The great room.
I hate you, buttcracking sofa.
I try to exclude it from pictures as much as possible.
Up ze stairs.
Tell you about the time I fell, up my wood stairs?
My knee wasn't pretty.
Kitchen. The heart of the home.
Next time, remind me that my pantry needn't be cleaned and organized for an appraiser. 'Cause he don't give a crap if I have hard mini-marshmallows all over the floor in there.
They should never be used in the same sentence. Ever.
Head up to bedrooms, shall we? Yes, lets.
The mirror? With the flowers? Worst.Crapt.Ever.
Just thought you should know.
I dub this room: "The room that shall never be finished."
I hate cutting crown molding. You too? Crown molding cutter haters, unite!
Don't say it.
"The beds should match." Ew. You said it. It was a pain in the arse building the white one. Don't make me do it again!
Have you seen my striped baff-room?
I try and avoid this (my kids') bathroom at all costs.
I suggest you do the same. It always stinks. Douse it in bleach? Still stinks. Steam treatment, disinfectant hose-down, clorox wipes. . .. stinks.
Scientists can't explain it.
And finally, let's finish in my boudoir. ("Oh man, I thought she was gonna go on forever and show us the mudroom and the garages, and the basement, and the basement bathroom, and the closets, and . . . ")
And so, the appraiser was like all, "So tell me about the upgrades you've made." And I was like all. . . "Um, where do I start?"